Don and I mailed Christmas cards this time last year with two additional little people in our picture! I know we surprised many of you with the news. The news I had a niece and nephew, and the news we would adopt!  The year was spent on a path filled with unknowns. We stepped onto this path with faith that God would be with us, and peace that we were doing the right thing. It was May of this year that God revealed to us He had us on a bridge with a beautiful ending.

Because of your support, thoughts, prayers, and the many questions we have been asked we thought we should share with you the journey along this path….

I have a sister who was adopted by my Parents when I was 14 years old, and she was 4 years old. She had suffered severe neglect in her formative years, and though my Parents did the best they could she chose a life similar to the one she was born.  She would move in with strangers, and work a job for a few weeks, and move onto the next place. She repeated this pattern in Wichita, Kansas. A place she ended up after she followed a boyfriend there. Kathryn was born, and three years later Joshua.  The last time she was in Nebraska was in January of 2015. She stayed in one of our apartments, my Dad got her furniture and a car, and my Mom helped her get a job and daycare. She stayed for a few months, and in the night loaded the car with the kids and left for Kansas. She would remove herself from any contact with all of us for the next two years.

In March of 2017 my Dad and Mom received phone calls from Kansas Child Protective Services. The kids were removed from her custody, and would be in Foster Care until my sister could find a safe home, and hold down a job. She needed to attend Parent support meetings, and appear for drug test, and commit to staying away from a new boyfriend who was not safe for the children.

The requirements for my sister to regain custody of her children was one we knew she would never be able to meet. My Mom and I met with her, and the kids Father, and told them we would help. We encouraged them, and tried everything we knew how to make them understand that life could be better if they got help. 

My sister’s severe neglect in her formative years caused her attachment issues. We all waited to see how long it would take her to stop attending the weekly supervised visits with the kids. The “out of state, out of mind,” phrase would hold true in this situation. She stopped attending visits after two months.

It was during this time that I made a couple visits to Wichita to see the kids. It was also during this time that I would begin asking questions about the way the “system” works.

Family members can be given “placement” of children without a Home Study if they live in the area of the biological Parents. The Welfare System does all it can to maintain relationships with the biological parents and the children. The kids were not allowed to leave Kansas as long as Parents were making efforts to reunite. The KS Caseworker shared that children spend an average of 18-24 months in a Foster Home. They are either placed back with a Parent or Parental Rights are terminated. It is rare for it to move faster.

I wanted to know if the kids could be placed with us once the visits from my sister stopped. The caseworker kept insisting that placement could only happen if we agreed to adopt them. I was overwhelmed with the magnitude of this ‘forever’ choice, and told the caseworker we would not adopt the children. We stepped into the Summer with my kids at home, and my focus shifted to being with them. My mom was in turmoil over what was happening in Wichita, and she continued to visit the kids every couple weeks.

It was during these Summer months that I would learn firsthand the definition of a panic attack. They were brought on when my thoughts would shift to the two little people stuck in a Kansas foster home. I asked God to give me peace about taking a backseat to this situation, but the peace didn’t come. It was after one of these panic attacks that Don would ask me if we could talk about the situation in Kansas, and I would shut him down. I had never dreamt into adoption or foster care, and I didn’t want to be pressured into it now.

It was August when the caseworker would begin talking about moving to terminate parental rights. It was moving much quicker than we had expected. The caseworker would ask my mom repeatedly if there was anyone who would adopt the kids.  She shared that she would be separating the kids. Joshua would be adopted, and Kathryn would continue to live in Foster care. When we asked if they could come live with us it was always tied to “only if you adopt.” She wouldn’t entertain the thought of moving them to Nebraska until a ideal Family opened up.

It was with this caseworker that we would learn that not every social worker cares about the best interest of the child. She offered zero support, manipulated the questions we asked if the “vocabulary” we used wasn’t correct. She had my Mom and myself broken down in tears more than once. The frustration with her, and the limited resources for our position was mind blowing. 

My Mom briefly considered adopting the kids. I begged her not to do it. I had already watched the stress of my sister destroy so much in my Mother’s life. I couldn’t watch it happen again.

September 2017 the State of Kansas scheduled a Court Hearing for Termination of Parental Rights. My sister refused to relinquish her rights, which was highly suggested by her Attorney. We witnessed a 4 hour interrogation into my sister that would end with a Judge terminating her rights. I was not prepared for the emotions that came watching a Judge make a decision that would change the trajectory of the lives of children. What a heavy job these men/women take on as they make decisions that no human should have to make, whether a parent is fit to be a parent.

Leaving the courtroom I called Don weeping, and he said we needed to talk. This time I agreed. We had been placed in a position that could change the lives of two little people. I didn’t have peace after saying no to the caseworker earlier that Summer. I was terrified to say Yes to adoption, but these were orphans.  God calls us to live a life taking care of the orphans, and we had two sitting in front of us. We couldn’t turn and walk away from them!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

We began the Home Study with a Nebraska Caseworker. A wonderful caseworker! We were not required to go through the foster care classes. I called 3 agencies in Omaha to find out about support groups, resources, therapist, or anything that would help us prepare/cope/adjust to what was happening. I made phone call after phone call trying to connect with someone who could help. I was told by one agency that therapy for the size of our Family would be difficult to schedule. It would take numerous appointments and that was after we sat on a waiting list. An agency offered to let us attend their once a month ‘foster parent’ support groups, but we weren’t having kids come and go from our home. We felt like we were on an island awaiting a boat that would drop two little strangers off and sail away.

While I was making phone calls and sending emails, Don was constructing the house to accommodate two more people. It was fine for me to have the kids share rooms, but I didn’t come from a huge Family like Don. He worked to build bedrooms for Molly and Grant in the lower level, and it gave each of the four little kids their own rooms upstairs. We traded in our newly purchased Suburban for a Suburban with 8 seatbelts, because I didn’t want to be a Family who drove two cars to Church! I shopped for Christmas gifts for six kids. I begged God to let the paperwork be done so Kathryn could attend School in Gretna after the Holiday break.

I drove to Wichita on December 14th. The foster mother handed me two trash bags, and two kids, made a comment about Joshua that wasn’t helpful, but was hurtful, and she drove away. I headed back to Gretna not knowing yet if Kansas would approve them staying, or if we’d have to take them back after the Holiday break. I believed in my heart that the foster home would be a blink in their lives, and they would never again be in that situation. I held onto the assurance of this prayer for 9 days, which was when the phone call came from Kansas. They could permanently stay in Nebraska! It was record speed at which our Home Study went through in Nebraska, and through all the checkpoints in Kansas. My persistence in calling and emailing hadn’t gone unnoticed, and they asked me if I wanted a job, because I could get stuff done!

We are a big Family built on structured routines, meals at the table, lots of time in the car shuffling from one activity to another. In addition we are vocal in our thoughts about how loud someone chews their food, or what socks belong to who, and how much toothpaste gets squeezed onto the toothbrush, and how much popcorn falls out of your mouth onto the couch! We have two dogs. The big one thinks everyone is his best friend, and the little one will bite you if he isn’t in the mood to be touched. Our house would prove to be a foreign Country to our new little members. Don and I had our eyes laser focused on them, and helping them adjust to this new World.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1

Our four children were amazing! They quickly stepped in and helped, and shared. They didn’t complain, or use unkind words in the presence of the two new ones. Heidi would show us that she was mature enough to approach me when I was alone to share things with me. Austin would ask questions about Joshua’s behavior when it was bedtime and we were alone. Molly and Grant aren’t home that often, but when they were they stepped up.

Kathryn was doing well in School, and she enjoyed it. Her reading had taken a dramatic jump up. She was being invited to playdates with friends! She even got asked to her first Birthday Party. Her hair was growing longer, and she was dreaming into ponytails. She was starting to eat most of the food served at dinner, and learning about what was a vegetable and fruit. She was still behind on the little things like understanding the days of week and months of the year. There are so many little things we teach our children as they are growing, and she had missed so many of these things.

Joshua was getting the speech therapy he needed in the morning Preschool at Gretna Elementary. He was understanding the structure of our days, but was still unable to play without my presence. His teachers shared with me that he was happier, and his anger over the little things had gotten much better. He was putting on weight, and his skin color was so much better! I bundled him in snow gear every chance we got and he would spend hours outside if we let him. The outdoors was something that he hadn’t experienced in that capacity, and we watched as he soaked it up.

It was March when Don and I would step out of the “bubble” of the two new kids, and take a step back to see the perspective of what was happening to the Family dynamic. It was at this time that we started to question the practice of “going through the motions” versus a desire and longing to have this bigger Family. We stayed up late into the night talking about what all the kids needed, not material things, but from us. It was overwhelming!

April came, and the warmer weather, and the little challenges became bigger challenges. The  appointments with Doctor’s, Dentist, Therapist, Teachers, and Caseworkers had me maxed out. We still had kids involved in activities, and juggling schedules was a massive job. I realized after twenty years that Don could cook! He was helping at home in a way that hadn’t been needed before, which added stress to his workdays.

The challenges of two children coming out of neglect was apart of every day. In their behavior, and their emotions. Joshua would loose complete control in tantrums that were very much in line with where he was developmentally, but not knowing what he needed, and he not trusting us made them very difficult.  Kathryn would retreat into a shell over the smallest request. We could ask her to turn off the lights in her room and she would shut down. The dynamic of our Family was such a foreign concept to them. It was fascinating as a Mom to watch my kids respond to “pick your towel up off the floor,” and Kathryn’s response. She had never had anyone ‘expect’ anything from her.

Don and I had often spoken with each other about this wonderful life our own children have, and how they don’t know how good they have it. We are raising them in a bubble, and they don’t even know what hard looks like. But, we learned through this experience that this is a misconception on our part. Don and I are raising our kids in a community rooted in work, responsibilities, and independence. We battle the American Culture of entitlement on a daily basis as Parents. This was made evident when we took in two kids who were immersed in this entitlement culture. Yes, our children don’t know what it’s like to go hungry, but they understand we value the food placed in front of us, because Dad and Mom work hard to make the money to put it there. The fact is our kids don’t have it easy, it’s just their hard looks different. And ultimately anything can be overcome if you experience genuine love as a child. It isn’t about what your given it’s about who is pouring into you.

“First and foremost, we need to be the adults we want our children to be. We should watch our own gossiping and anger. We should model the kindness we want to see.” ~Brene Brown

It was about this time that the Kansas and Nebraska caseworkers started asking if we wanted to move the paperwork along for the adoption side of things. It coincided with the timing of me starting to question everything again. I spent my mornings while Joshua was at Preschool taking the dogs for walks in the solitude of trails. It was where I could be alone without distractions. I took this opportunity to pray and meditate on what was happening in our house. I asked specific questions of God, and begged Him to do what I knew only He could do…open my heart to love these children the way they deserved to be loved. The love of an Aunt and Uncle doing the “right thing” is vastly different then the deep and adoring love of a Parent. I believe every child deserves that kind of love.

It was the end of April when we learned Heidi had been making frequent trips to the School nurse, because her stomach hurt. We learned she internally responds to stress. I would find her alone in the front yard hiding behind a tree. She wanted to get away from Kathryn who wouldn’t leave her side. Austin would come home and immediately disappear to his friends house down the street. I learned he had been spending time in the backyard of a Families home with their children. When his best friend wasn’t home he would go to their house to avoid coming home. Molly was in her room when she wasn’t at dance. Grant was either crying or having very angry outburst. I was also starting to see physical signs of the stress in my own body. This loss of control brought me to my knees, literally!

“Why my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:11

It was a Friday morning in late April. I dropped Joshua off at the daycare he went one day a week. This daycare worker was my Angel. She not only gave Josh this sweet love, but she poured encouragement and compassion into me during the brief drop-offs. I couldn’t stop crying that morning, and it wasn’t sadness, but angry tears. I shared my thoughts with her, and she firmly told me to go walk, and she would pray. I’ll never forget that morning. The weather was perfect, and there wasn’t a single soul on the 2.5 mile trail that day except mine. I got about a mile into the woods, and I collapsed into a puddle of tears. I wept over the lives of these two little children. The unfairness of the World, and the life they had been dealt. I wept over the role I played, and my confusion over why this had occurred when it was never a desire of my heart. Isn’t God suppose to care about the desire’s of our heart? Isn’t He suppose to care about children? This can’t be what He has planned for us, but I knew it was what we were suppose to be doing. Then I got up and got mad! I prayed out loud and told the heaven’s that something needed to change. If this was suppose to be forever then He had better open my heart or do something about it!

I want to explain what my closed heart means, because it could be misconstrued to think  I didn’t care. August through December had me passionately working to get the kids out of Kansas. I couldn’t rest at night as I thought about who I could pressure to get things moving faster. I couldn’t go through one day without making a phone call or sending an email. Here is the thing about the ‘system.’ If you wait for them it will take twice as long then if you’re pressuring them to move the paperwork. There is so much paperwork, and working with two States creates even more! This passion I had then rolled into helping the kids once they got to our house. This need to have the kids in a safe place fueled me for 6 months. Then the fuel ran out and I was on fumes. It’s in the fumes where you learn what fueled you to begin with, and for us it was the safety of the kids. Now that they were safe it wasn’t enough for them to be safe. I wanted them to be desired. That was the piece that was missing for us. While I dreamt into them being loved the way they deserved I impatiently waited for my heart to do it. My heart to deeply love them. Because I thought it was the only option. Instead of it getting easier to go through the motions it was getting harder. This seemed backwards to me, and it depleted me physically and mentally. These were children and they deserved more, and I was incapable of giving them what they deserved.

“People grow when they are loved well. When you want others to heal, love them without an agenda.” ~Mike McHargue

Kathryn cried the night she came into our house and saw her very own bedroom. She kept asking if it was only hers?! We had gone through all the toys and created spaces that were filled with stuffed animals, and cars, and trucks, and closets filled with clothes. We made a point to make them feel unique. We did a book with each of them alone at bedtime, and prayers centered around how much Jesus loves them . We told them they were loved, and safe, and we were so happy they were with us. They were given chores, and swim lessons to help them feel like they were apart of the Family. The Therapist was encouraged each week on how well they were doing. Joshua didn’t need attachment therapy. Kathryn was responsive to the Therapist questions.  From the outside looking it in it would seem to be going fantastic.

But, the heart doesn’t care about appearances.

Friday in late April I left my anger on the trails. I got in my car and listened to a song that was popular on the christian radio station at that time. It was often on repeat, because I needed the words to give me strength to get through the day.

Do It Again by Elevation Worship 

“I’ve seen you move you moved the mountains. and I believe I will see you do it again. You made a way when there was no way. and I believe I’ll see you do it again.”

Sunday afternoon I received a text from a Family friend. She was my Sunday School teacher as a High School kid, and she’d maintained a relationship with me into my adult years. She’s that older, wiser person in my life. She’s the one I called when I was terrified after we made the decision to take the kids from Kansas. She didn’t let me just text her with a “pray for us” text. She came over, and looked me in the eyes and said, “tell me how you know this is from God.” She had brought a carload of meals over after the kids arrived, and she’d touched base a few times about what was going on, but she didn’t know the day to day. She didn’t know the deeper side of the situation.

Her text asked me if I could meet her for coffee the next day. I had 1 hour on Monday afternoon to meet her. She didn’t mess around with ‘fluff’ conversation, and after listening to me share for about ten minutes she told me why she asked me for coffee. Her dear friend’s daughter was unable to get pregnant. This young woman and her husband had tried for years, and adoption hadn’t even been mentioned until a little boy who was in the foster system came into her classroom. She’s an Elementary teacher and she fell in love with him. It didn’t work out, and he had been placed with a biological Grandma. This friend of mine said she wanted my permission to approach her dear friend’s daughter and ask them to consider adopting Kathryn and Joshua.

I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. This was not what I expected. My mind was filled with smoke. I literally had no response, because I didn’t understand. It’s like my mind couldn’t wrap itself around what she had proposed, because that would be a miracle. She had just spoken the idea out loud, and we were going to pray and ponder on it. This requires faith! My mind can’t comprehend this kind of faith, because it’s alive, and not just talk.

I left the coffee shop with a pit in my stomach. Fear. What would Don say? What was the right thing to do? What would people say? What were the odds of this even happening? What about the kids? What is best for the kids? So much fear.

My husband can talk nonstop about nothing. He can rattle off movie lines, and sing lines from random songs, and he laughs at himself, and he talks about the plumbing groundwork he did and how hard the dirt was to dig, and he wants to ask me fifteen questions a hour about the day’s events. But, he doesn’t have much to say about his faith, his prayer journey, and the Bible. He doesn’t soak-up worship songs, and bible verses, and sign-up for mission’s trips, or volunteer at church. I’ve been married to him twenty years, and known him most of my life, but I wasn’t sure what he would think or how he would handle this proposed idea of a couple to adopt the kids. This wasn’t just an idea, this was a true test of faith. I wasn’t confident Don would be up for the test.

Don’s first response to the idea presented by my friend, “this is what I’ve been praying for since the beginning. A couple who wants to adopt would be the ones who adopt them.” 

I was mad, and confused, and mad! I had not heard about this prayer! This idea had never even occurred to me! Of course I said that to Don. He reminded me he’d said it numerous times the Summer the kids were in Kansas Foster Care. Sure, that was a great idea then, but it was just that to me. An idea that the social workers should have been pursuing, but they didn’t and that’s why we are where we are. I got a quick quiz of my own heart on that Faith test, that I wasn’t so sure Don could pass.

We spent the next three weeks waiting on the prayers of this young couple. We laid awake at night wondering what we do when they say No, because the odds of this working out were slim.  It was about a week into the three weeks that Don and I talked about making a decision on what we would do if this came back with a No response. We needed to decide if we were going to pursue another couple, or were we going to go forward with forever. Don couldn’t firmly make the decision, and I didn’t want to make the decision, because it felt like I was giving up. Don could go through his days with the unknown cloud hovering over his head. I could not. Figure out what the cloud is and strategize a plan to get it to move! We are wired so differently. He has adaptability in his Top 5 Strengths, and I have consistency in mine. I’m this raging river of emotion, and he is a deep still well. I made the decision in my heart. We were not the forever couple for the kids. Come what may with this young couple, God would bring the perfect plan to fruition.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Don took the wait and see approach during this time, and I took the action approach. It was during this three weeks of waiting that I was asked by a friend to work with her on planning a small event for a non-profit ministry in our Community. I welcomed the distraction, and we made a date to strategize a plan. She shared that she would ask the wife of the Director of this non-profit to join us. She lives in the Community, and works closely with the organization, so her input was valuable. We scheduled to meet on a Friday at the coffee shop in town. The Friday came and the daycare worker for Joshua was sick. She’s rarely taken a sick day, and I didn’t think anything of it, but it would prove to be God timed. The coffee date got moved to my house.

Joshua was home bouncing around on the couch when the ‘wife’ arrived a little early. Our mutual friend who organized the meeting was running a bit late, so we started talking about life. She looked into the living room at Joshua, and she turned to me sitting at the kitchen table, and she looked directly in my eyes and asked, “How are you doing.” Up until this time no one knew what was going on with the kids, or our thoughts on the situation. I opened up and I shared with her. I told her we were waiting on a couple, and we had made a decision that this would be best for the kids. I hadn’t said it out loud to anyone and I was so afraid of how it would sound. She listened, and she was kind, and she said she’d be praying too.

I knew in my heart after a couple weeks of not hearing anything that this would not be the couple for the kids. It just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t surprised when they came back and said they would not pursue the process. They weren’t ready to step into it at this time in their lives. I had another couple in mind. I took it as a sign from God, that the idea had been opened by my friend, and now He had downloaded a couple to me. I feel like a fool now when I think back, because I was trying to “do” something, and move stuff along, and work on the situation. These were children, and time mattered. The longer they were in my home the harder it would be to transition, on all of us.

I reached out to couple #2. They knew a little bit about our situation, and I knew a little bit about their situation. They had a big event happening in their house in the month of May, so I ended our conversation by telling her we could touch base after she was done. I texted her a picture of the kids, and we waited again.

The kids had no idea what was happening behind the scenes in our house. We had never shared with Kathryn and Joshua that they would be adopted by us. Our big kids knew that an adoption was most likely going to happen by our Family, but they didn’t pursue the topic after the kids arrived.

Don and I agreed to talk to Molly and Grant about what we were discussing. It was such a wonderful thing to connect deeply with them over such a heavy thing. They were surprised. They had so many questions, and we had very little answers. It was amazing to watch them respond with all the same fears, concerns, and emotions that we had as adults. Molly asked, “how will you find a couple, and how will you know its the right one.” Grant wanted to know how long it would take. I had the same answer for both of them. We are going to trust that God has the couple picked, and He will bring them to us, and that it happens before the Summer is over! I encouraged them to pray and ask, and then trust it would happen.

It was nearing the end of May. I had another planning date to nail down the details for the small event I was helping host for the non-profit. The friends who were meeting with me asked about the situation with the kids, and what had happened with couple #1. I told them nothing was going on, but waiting on couple #2.  I was uncertain about the outcome with them too. The “wife” who had cared so deeply responded to me with a confident, “it’s going to happen, and it’s going to happen fast.” I was taken aback inside, because this was what I was believing, but up until this point no one else was believing it as confidently as me, until her! She casually mentioned there was a couple in her office who often talked about adopting. She asked if she could mention it to them. I asked her to wait until I’d heard from couple #2 and then we moved on to discuss other things.

I had this running list in my head of the criteria that needed to be met for the Family that would be Kathryn and Joshua’s forever Family.

1. Desire to adopt
2. Kathryn and Josh would be the only children or youngest in their house
3. Children of their own who were at least 9 years old and up
4. They’d teach the kids about Jesus
5. Excitement about having them
6. Love that was overflowing
7. Live in the area, but maybe not the same School as my kids
8. Pets (Joshua loves animals)
9. Be open to letting my Mom be a Grandma to the kids

 

Monday May 21st

This is the day I was hoping I’d hear from couple #2.

I took my dogs for a walk at Mahoney that day, because my usual trails had been invaded by weirdos the week before. I had been pulled over by two police cruisers on my way home from a walk after a 911 call had been made saying drugs were being exchanged in between two vehicles at Schram Park. One of the vehicles matched my cars description! This has to be mentioned, because it shows how involved God was in the little things in our life at this season.

I had parked in a different spot then normal for my trail walk. Field Trips were happening, and the lower parking lot was congested, so I had decided to use the one in a more private area. This particular morning, at 7:50am, was a little beat up car with a male and female sitting in it. They looked like they had slept there, and they made me really uncomfortable, so I quickly got myself and my dogs onto the trail. It’s a big circle for my walk, and as I was getting towards the end I had a voice in my head say, “take a picture of the car.” That’s not me, so I brushed the thought aside. The urge to take a picture was pretty strong, so as I came around the brush I got my phone out and snapped a picture of the little blue car next to my big suburban. They were still sitting in there so I hollered at my Golden Retriever to get in the car and we drove out of there! Back to the part of story where I get pulled over by the Police Officer, he asked for my ID and I didn’t have it. No purse that day! I asked why I had gotten pulled over and he proceeded to ask me where I was coming from.

me, “Schram Park.”

Officer, “What were you doing at Schram Park?”

me, “walking my dogs.”

Officer, “what else were you doing?”

me, “Oh my goodness! You are looking for these people aren’t you?!” and I pulled up the picture of the car.

He immediately radioed the plate number, and by this time Officer #2 had shown up. He showed him the picture, and then said, “good thing you have that photo. You can go.” And they jumped in their cars and sped towards the Park!

I had no idea what had just happened! It felt like I had come very close to sitting in the back of a Police cruiser! I ended up calling Sarpy County dispatch a hour later, and the Police Officer called me. He shared the details of the call that had been made, and how someone had said drugs were being exchanged from one vehicle to another in the Park. The one vehicle matched the description of mine, which was leaving the Park. He wanted to know if I’d locked my car, and I assured him I had, cause of the weirdos! They didn’t end up getting the car at the time I talked to him, because the suspect had already left the Park. It is not a coincidence that I had taken a picture. That was a God prompt!!!

Then there was another weirdo on the trail two days later! Yes, I went back out there! This was my place, and this was my sanctuary for months. I needed to be there! I can look back now, and see how much fear I had in me during this time. Fear over what was happening at home, and what may or may not happen with Kathryn and Joshua, and that fear came out full force in the one place that gave me peace. The day weirdo number 2 caught up with me on the trail was bizarre too. I’d seen him when I first entered the trail, and he was at least 200 yards behind me on the road. I walk fast, because my dogs aren’t leashed and I’ve got a 12 month old Golden Retriever with lots of energy. We got a ways into the trail and my little Maltese turned around and took off running. Then he was doing his “someone rang the doorbell” bark, while I’m stopped and hollering for him (he had never ran away from me, and hasn’t done it again since)! As my little dog comes around the curve running towards me he is being followed by this man. My radar goes up and I scoop up my little dog. This man bends down to pet my big dog, and says nothing. I tell him we are going to run ahead so they don’t bother him, and I drop my little dog and take off in a dead sprint. I know the trails well so I took a shortcut that I knew wouldn’t circle by him, and kept sprinting. I get far enough ahead of him that I’m comfortable to get my phone out of my pocket and call Don. My zipper on my brand new Under Armour vest is stuck, and I can’t get my phone. I can’t move the zipper more than enough to get my little finger in there. No phone. I took off in a sprint again! I didn’t go back to Schram Park alone for 3 months.

Back to Monday May 21st

I’m walking the trails at Mahoney State Park. I’m thinking about couple #2, and contemplating when I should text and what I should say. Then it hits me. If they wanted the kids she’d have reached out by now. It was at that moment that I realized this was not the couple for them. But, I still texted her, and I didn’t hear back until the next day.

That was a hard day. Don wasn’t home that night. Heidi had asked Austin to help her with something, and Kathryn wouldn’t leave them alone. I’d encouraged her to go play alone for a bit and she was mad about it, so she wasn’t listening to me. Then Austin was mad Kathryn kept trying to get involved. Then Joshua had gone #2 in his pants, and didn’t tell me. He’d gone into the bathroom and it was everywhere. I felt defeated. I was so tired. I escaped behind my closet door, and I cried. It had been 6 weeks of waiting on a couple, and I was done. And that’s what I cried to God in my closet, “I don’t want to find another couple. I’m tired. I can’t do this. You will have to bring them to us. You put this idea in my heart, and it’s up to you to make it happen.”

My crying lasted five minutes, and I went upstairs to put four little ones to bed. My phone had been charging during the crying, and bedtime routine. I came downstairs to get it and there was a text from the friend who had done the planning meeting with me. The one who was confident we’d find a couple.

“Hey Sarah, I hope you don’t mind, but I spoke to the couple in our office about adopting the kids. They are very interested. They are praying about it.” 

I looked at the time she had sent the text, and it was around the same time I was in the closet crying to God about the situation. It was a comfort to me, because I saw it as a sign that God was listening, and He would take charge. I just needed to get to a spot where I stopped thinking I was the one who’d have to do it. I needed to stop being in charge!

“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14

Tuesday

I woke up to a text from couple #2. It was the response I expected. They were not in a spot emotionally to step into taking the kids.

That same day around 11:00am I received a text from my ‘confident friend.’

“The couple in our office are very interested.” 

My response, “Does she want me to contact her?”

“Yes, here is her name and number.”

The name came up on my phone and I fell to a puddle on the floor. I know them! I know these people, and they are amazing! How could this be happening?!

I reached out to couple #3 with a text that was hard to type, “Hi, I hear you heard about our situation and you’re interested in meeting the kids?” She immediately responded, and we spent the next hour texting back and forth. My Mom stopped by to drop something off at my house during this text exchange. I was weeping. I started reading our text out loud to her, and she started crying. Her text were filled with everything I wanted to hear from the people who would be the forever for my niece and nephew!

Don and I met Tim and Sally five years ago when Tim was Grant’s baseball Coach. Grant did two years of Fall Baseball in Millard when he decided he didn’t want to play football. Tim was randomly chosen to be his Coach. Their only child, Toby, is a year younger then Grant. We’ve ran into them on occasion over the years, as the non-profit they work for is an organization that Don and I support. They live within ten minutes of our house, but in a different School district. Sally shared with me that she had always wanted a big Family, but having their son was a difficult process, and when they looked into adoption it just didn’t seem right. She shared with me that years ago her and Tim told God “if you want us to adopt then you would have to put the kids in our lap!”

Thursday 

I had my Mom take my little kids out for dinner. Grant was home, and Molly was at dance. Tim and Sally and their son Toby would be coming over to meet the kids.  We told Kathryn and Joshua that some friends of ours were coming over to hang-out. At this point in our Family we had been trying to give Kathryn and Joshua more opportunities to be together without the distraction of Austin and Heidi. It wasn’t even on their radar that anything was happening other then they were going to swim while a bunch of grown-ups talked.

I was scared. There were so many questions going through my head. Don was nervous and definitely had his guard-up. I had very few expectations, except for one big one. I didn’t want Tim and Sally and Toby to be weird with the kids! I can’t define weird, but I would know it when I saw it. I have a pretty strong sense of discernment with people so it was in full alert mode.

They were amazing! They were amazing, and surpassed all ideas or thoughts or expectations. They are a “petite” Family, and my niece and nephew are “petite,” and their son Toby wears glasses, and Kathryn wears glasses. Sally is blonde and Joshua is blonde. Kathryn has light brown hair and Toby has light brown hair. Toby jumped in the pool and shot baskets and went off the slide, and he engaged with the kids in a normal, easy going way. Sally sat on the side of the pool and watched and laughed. Tim and Don sat together and talked about the situation. Tim shared that the idea of adoption has always been easier for Sally, and he needs longer to think. But, this situation he had peace right away!

They stayed for 3 hours! The kids were asking Sally to watch them when they went down the slide or jumped in the water. At one point they got out of pool and Kathryn sat on one side of her and Joshua was on the other, and they watched Toby jump off the diving board together. My Mom ended up coming back with Austin and Heidi, and she got the chance to meet them. She asked questions about how they met, and how long they’d been married, and their extended Family. Questions I didn’t think to ask. We learned that they don’t have much Family here in Nebraska.

Everyone left, and Don and I put 6 kids to bed. Then we sat outside by the pool in silence. We were both speechless over what had transpired. We weren’t excited, but we were optimistic. We were definitely scared. We hadn’t told the little kids anything. These were children!

A few things we learned about children who have grown up in a very insecure environment, and Kathryn and Joshua specifically, is that they gravitate to any adult who will give them attention. Because they aren’t getting the deep connection from a biological Parent they need more attention then what our kids need. They are very adaptable. Kathryn and Joshua never lived in the same place more than 3 months. They can quickly adjust to the changes. They desperately want to be ‘normal.’ Kathryn called us Mom and Dad the day after she arrived at our house. It didn’t hold the deep weight like it does for our kids. It’s literally just words. They won’t understand the bond that is associated with those words until their older, because the bond wasn’t there with their biological Mom. The Therapist shared that because my sister has deep attachment issues it hindered the attachment between her and the kids. As my sister isn’t attached to them then Kathryn and Joshua aren’t attached to her. Of course this doesn’t hold true on the surface, but on a psychological level. There is amazing therapy now to work with the attachment psyche in children who have experienced trauma. I talked in detail with the Therapist about the conversation we would need to have if/when the transition to Tim and Sally’s home would happen.

Memorial Day came and Tim and Sally and Toby joined us for lunch. They stayed for dinner, and left after the little kids had gone to bed! Sally texted later that night and apologized for staying so long, but they didn’t want to leave the kids. They wanted them, and they were all in!

Don and I had a rare moment with Kathryn alone, so I thought it was a good time to share with her. I have never been that nervous to talk to a 6 year old! I started off asking her what she thought of Tim and Sally, and she responded with a “they are nice.” I asked her if she wanted them to come over again, and she said “Yes.” Then I moved the conversation to discuss how each little girl and boy should have a Mom and Dad of their own. And how we are her Aunt and Uncle, and we will always be her Aunt and Uncle, but that God had chosen a Dad and Mom just for her and Joshua. And how Tim and Sally wanted to be their Mom and Dad! She asked us if she would live with them, and we replied, “When you are ready! They can come over here, and you can go over to their house, and when you are ready you can live at their house.” She hopped into my lap and hugged me. I asked if this was a happy hug or a sad hug, and she said “both.”

It all happened fast. Just like my friend confidently shared with me a few weeks prior. The kids fell hard for their new Mom and Dad and brother. They wanted to be with each other as much as possible. It was really hard for me at first, because it wasn’t natural for my “mom side” to let my two little kids spend time with people we didn’t know very well. I had to continue to trust! Kathryn was eager to call them Mom and Dad, and make the transition, but we still had one big obstacle, the State of Kansas.

The fear wasn’t out of my life after we found “the couple.” It was actually just starting to boil as I now wrestled on when and how to tell Kansas we had decided not to adopt, but instead found another couple. I went back to work on finding a lawyer, talking to lawyers in Omaha, and one in Kansas. I thought that if I could have someone who knew the law on our side then we could fight whatever battle would come. I didn’t learn before, but I was prepping for battle by myself,  and not trusting that the battle was already won.

It was after the Independence Day Holiday that I got another visit from the Nebraska caseworker. She asked questions, and sensed something was a little “off” with me, because it was! I don’t lie, and I was holding big information from her, and I was terrified to tell her. What if they took the kids from us and sent them back to Kansas? This was a real possibility.

She was shocked when I told her the news. She thought everything was going great! Apparently, we put on a good show. I told her it was not going awful. It wasn’t this nightmare situation that was out of control, but this situation that didn’t sit right in my heart. As a social worker she is focused on children being rescued, and that had happened in our case. Me, being someone removed from the ways of the “system” I was focused on what is best for the kids. That isn’t just being rescued. That is being desired. They are two very different things.

I was on the phone with our Kansas social worker a few days later. She told me that it was not up to her what would happen next, but DCF made all those decisions. She could only make recommendations. Megan was the social worker given our case when Don and I stepped in and took the kids. The day she called me back in December I knew there was something different about her. The tone of her voice was filled with kindness. I believe she was our Angel in Kansas. Megan supported us from afar. Between her, and April our caseworker in Nebraska, and the power of God we would see Kathryn and Joshua residing with their adoptive Family in Nebraska!

The last time April came to my house for a visit she mentioned how a Family in Nebraska had just gone through a similar situation as us. The kids even came from Kansas, but a different Agency. Those kids were not allowed to stay in Nebraska, but were sent back to the Kansas Foster Care System. I told her that’s the power of prayer. We had so many people praying for these kids. My Mom, my Grandmother, and myself have been praying for these kids since the day they were born. The simple prayer of protection. It is powerful.

November 15th

My Mom and I received a text from Sally, “ready for it…Kathryn and Joshua are officially moved in, and our 6 month process starts now! Today!!! We are so excited, thankful, and so in love! So excited!”

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil. To give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

December 2018

1 year ago we stepped onto a trail that lead into a forest that was dark and deep. Today we realize that wasn’t a trail, but a bridge that led to a beautiful open path filled with dreams.

We our a Family of 6 not 8. Our house has two extra bedrooms.

We are an Aunt and Uncle and our kids gained two cousins, actually three, because we have extended Family now in Tim, Sally, and Toby.

We follow a kind and generous God.